Bright as Sound

I would like to post a brief response to a comment I got on my last post. I realize that I am subject to God's grace that point aside when I wrote that post I was, for lack of a stronger term, angry. I have come to terms with my anger now (though this does not mean I ever plan of talking to the person I was talking about) and I believe I can officially and honestly say that I have moved on. So watch out I'm ready to get my heartbroken again, statistically I learn and learning prepares me for my ultimate destination where ever or who ever that might be.

I know God's grace, His forgiveness, and His unconditional love. Jesus loves me this I know and all that. Not to make light of Him or anything. But despite that I know these things. Despite knowing how they apply. I am struggling, like dragging-a-sumo-wrester-uphill struggling, with accepting that God's grace, His forgiveness, His unconditional love are as readily applied to those that have hurt me. I'm going to be blatantly honest, OK? It is hard for me to...I guess be ok with God forgiving the people that have hurt me so bad that I am struggling to forgive them...I guess I kind of don't want God to forgive them until I do. But if it worked like that God wouldn't be God. It's just...I can forgive most everything as soon as it happens, except for having my trust broken. I'm rather child-like when it comes to trust...at least I used to be...I took "innocent until proven guilty" and "everyone deserves a second chance" as my motto of trust. So when someone misuses my trust I have a hard time forgiving them. The most recent incident of this has left me feeling like a door mat. I laid my heart out and it was used as a door mat on their path, just a stopping place for a little fun before they moved on. Ever since I have told my self that I will never do that again. Not everyone is worthy of my whole hearted trust. I just need to keep remembering that. It is so hard. I want so badly to trust. I want so badly to believe that humans are good. But so far all evidence points to the contrary. It is terrible of me to wish someone to go forgiven because of how they hurt me. I know it is not I that have the wisdom to judge who is worthy of forgiveness and who is not. But sometimes, in some cases, I wish it was...

Need I say more...

I was reading though my psychology text book and found this section talking about prejudice. Pictured, amongst other things, was a man holding as sign. This sign read in big, can't-miss-'em letters "GOD HATES FAGS".
All I could do was stare. What a picture the world has of us! Misguided people worshiping a cruel, distant, and unforgiving God. Could they be more wrong? I don't know about the man holding this sign but I, for one, serve the God that hates sin not sinners. If He hated homosexuals would He have died for them? I believe that, yes, homosexuality is a sin, I do not, however, believe that homosexuals are evil or that God hates them. I believe that God hates homosexuality, as it is a sin, not homosexuals. The man in this picture has it all wrong and he is sending the message to everyone who sees him that Christians are self-righteous, arrogant, fools, only interested in their own spiritual well being. People like him are the reason no one listens to Christians anymore.
If you walk up to someone and religion gets brought up heaven forbid you talk about Christianity! Speak of Hinduism, sure they are not prejudice, be passionate about Islam, they are open minded people, but utter the name of Christ and all you'll hear is "Save your breath I've heard it all before". What happens to your open minded acceptance of other people's beliefs when Christianity is brought into the picture? Have you been so hurt by "christians" in the past that you close out anyone claiming the same title? Or are you just tired of the "christian" sales man trying to sell you on a spiritual ideal he does not display himself?
I want to show the world that true Christians aren't like the stereotype of preachers yelling of fire and brimstone, self-righteous people "praying for you" for their own spiritual benefit, church goers that say they are a Christian on Sunday but come Monday the Bible is back on the shelf wedged somewhere between Star Wars and the tape of Sunday's game, there to gather dust until next Sunday.
I am not that Christian! My pastor speaks of the cost of sin, of course, but he is sure to tell you of the mercy of God as well. I refuse to pray solely for my own benefit. If I tell you I am praying for you, you had better believe I do because I care about you and I know God does too. Sure, I do pray for God's help and guidance in my own life but that is not my sole purpose in prayer! My God is faithful, good, merciful, mighty, powerful. My God listens, and can hear me because He is always with me, not in some far off place that my prayers reach every once in a while. So before you tell me you have heard it all before, listen up because I have a stereotype to crumble.

Labels: "God hates Fags", Christianity, homosexuality, stereotype

Having only been in college for 2 terms and now going into my 3rd it has proven quite necessary for me to learn certain unspoken rules and politenesses as to not look like the frosh I am. One sure politeness I am proud to say I was quick to learn is the art of picking a seat in a class. When first coming into a class it is vital that you sit in an unoccupied row, but this only stands if there are any unoccupied rows. If for some reason there are not it becomes necessary to enact the second part of this rule. This is that, should there not be any empty rows it is polite to choose a seat two away from a unknown stranger, leaving one empty desk between you. This avoids making that person feel unwanted or that there may be something wrong with them, as 2 empty seats away would imply, and all so avoids the "Oh, that seat is saved" embarrassment. And it is possible to have known strangers, as opposed to the before mentioned unknown stranger. The difference is that a unknown stranger is someone you have never met nor seen before, perhaps around campus or in another class, but have never been introduce to or introduced yourself to. The later is often the best to end up sitting next to if all that is left in the class are the empty spaces others before you left out of politeness. By sitting by such people, simply the fact that you have seen them around campus or in another class can spark conversation and you can gain an acquaintance and at times a predetermined place to sit in any class you have them in. But it's always the best is to have a friend in the class, this way you don't have to worry about the before mentioned steps and politeness other may have to follow upon entering the class door on the first day and encountering a room of unknown strangers.

Labels: college, observations, sitting in class

Liberals annoy me sometimes. Not that I don't love them with all the Godly love in my heart, it is only that their "open-minded" ignorance frustrates me. All it seems their great "open-minded" ideas seem to do is undignify themselves along with the rest of mankind, most of whom follow them blindly not wanting to be thought "ignorant" or "close-minded" which seem to be the utmost insults available to us this day and age.

Oh, would or founding father not be proud of our momentous efforts to utterly desecrate the dignity they valued so sacred. But how can we not be proud to be part of a country who's citizens will protest its actions at the drop of a hat? Forget support, if you are lucky or unlucky enough to be president, after your election, every decision will be protested by the very people who elected you, along with some that didn't, as if the job isn't stressful enough. How can we not be proud to be citizens of a nation of murderous, self-centered, atheist Benedict Arnolds?

We murder those who have barely begun to live because heaven forbid another life inconvenience ours. We need to be able to live however we please. And we do. Having abandoned the faith the land of the free and the home of the brave was founded on. Our very constitution drips with biblical and Godly references. We have nearly completely turned our backs on what was once the center of American life. Why would we want to believe anything that inhibits our ability to do whatever we want? Oh no, morals they burn! All the privileges we so richly enjoy, and protest to add to, were build on these things we find so offensive. Oh no the Ten Commandments are on display! Which take them down before some oversensitive, "politically correct", deserves to be walked on eggshells around, citizen, gets offended! We certainly wouldn't want the attention greedy, over-dramatic MINORITY to feel the least be uncomfortable.

What about the Christians? Oh shove them under the metaphorical rug they'll be fine. I don't want extra attention! I don't want to "oppress" the world with my opinions! I simply want those "open-minded", outspoken, catered for liberals to realize where they really stand. One of those places would be denying the existence of Him on whom their very existence relies. Preferring to either blatantly ignore or stubbornly deny rather than accept the smallest notion that they are doomed because of their actions they use so many ideologies to justify. Despite overwhelming evidence they refuse, despite the love and hope offered. How lost do you have to be that you don't even want to find the way out.

Labels: God, liberals, thoughts

One of the only things I just utterly distain is the wolf whistle. It doesn't make me feel pretty, it don't make me notice you in any good way, and most of all it doesn't make me want to know you!!!! If you would like to know me then you talk to me, not to my body, not to my clothes, to me. If I wanted to be cat called, looked over, or appraised like a piece of meat then I would wear a steak around my neck. But I don't! I am a person, I am a woman. I am not a Chick, I am not a Babe, and I am most deffinately not sexy, hot, or fine. If I get called such it just tells me that you aren't worth dating and you don't want to "just be friends", which is all I am looking for thank you very much. So before you think "hmmm this girl is hot" just realize that if that is your first thought you most likely don't stand a chance. You need to revaluate your view of girls and what they are here for. Because I know for sure what you are thinking you will not get. I am not a vending machine. You can't pay money, press the right buttons, and get what you want out of me. I will only give if I deem you worthy to put a meaningful ring on my pretty little finger. Your flirting, your good looks, your not so suttle hints will not win my heart. And don't think you can "butter me up" by complimenting me on my "good looks". I am not hot, do I look like I have a temperature to you!! I am not fine, I maybe doing fine but it is not an acceptable term for the why I look. And last of all I am not sexy, and calling me such will not get you into my pants!!!!

My theme song right now is:
Jesus Take the Wheel
-Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel

Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me

Oh, why, oh

My mom and her friend visited me at work today. That was pretty embarrassing. One of the things that bug me most at work is that I can't understand some of my co-workers. I work at Qdoba which is a Mexican restaurant and so as would be expected a lot of people speak Spanish. Now I took two years of Spanish in high school but only a miniscule amount stuck with me. I can say things like "?Que hora es?" or "?Donde esta el pollo?" which are "What time is it?" and "Where is the chicken (meat)?" Which are quite useful at a restaurant. However, whenever I use them Mario (one of the managers) likes to answer back in VERY quick Spanish, which I probably could understand the gist of if he only said it slower. Oh well, the unique situations posed by working in a Mexican restaurant.

Lord save my crystal heart
Save me from myself
‘cause I can’t do this
On my own

Guide me down the road
You have planned for me
Shine Your light
At my feet

Please show me the one
I’ve been waiting for
The man who is
Meant for me

Lord save my crystal heart
Save me from myself
Heal my heart’s
Many scars

I give my heart to You
Keep it safe in Your hands
Till I can give it
To my husband

Shelter it in Your care
Harbor my love
Keep me from breaking
My heart again

Lord save my crystal heart
Save me from myself
‘cause I can’t find him
On my own

Lord save my crystal heart

Someday I am going to be the person I have always wanted to be. Someday I will make my parent's proud of me. Someday I am going to be so inlove I can't think straight. Someday I am going to tell my kids funny storys about today and all that has happened to me in my, now very recent, past. I have a ways to go before I am the person I wish I was. I have a ways to go before I will even think about if my parent's are proud yet. I have a ways to go before I am ready for that love that consumes my mind. I have a ways to go before I have enough stories to make my future kids laugh until the cry then ask to hear more about the days when I still had a ways to go.

Okay so if "my plate" were an actual plate it would like a the plate of a starving fat person's at an all you can eat buffet. I am taking Chemistry, Biology, Math, and Literature. And besides that I have TWO jobs. I am a model of this lady's hair braiding intructional DVD and book, as well as working at Qdoba. My first day as a hair model was this sunday and my first day actually doing anything at Qdoba was today. *heavy sigh* I have been running around since this last Sunday. I am going to have so much homework it's not even funny. Thank goodness for God. I promise you He is the only way I am going to make it through this term.

I will never get sports, really any sport, such as basketball which is what I am currently watching. The purpose of sports, and watching them, is the adrenalin rush gotten from a close game, a triumphant win, or simply for the competing. These sports, being spectator sports, are meant to be watch and therefore enjoyed by want to play themselves but can't, are playing and are obsessed, or used to play but can't anymore. But now what about those like me that aren't overly competition and despite being affiliated with one team or another really could care less, at least for my own sake, who won as long as in the end I can go home and off the hard bleachers. I say not for my own sake because, as my sister plays basketball, I want her to win because I know who much sports mean to her and how much she loves to play. Is there a rule somewhere that says all gyms and/or stadiums must have hard, uncomfortable bleachers? Do they think people are going to fall asleep in the stands? Anyone that could sleep, no matter how comfortable the seat, through a basketball game, noisy as they are, has my utmost admiration. Though I do think that the only ones who can sleep through a basketball game, in the bleachers' current state of hardness, probably could anyway no matter where they were in the gym, even the court its self.

Yes you read right. In my family we in a way celabrate the day before Christmas Eve, or as we call it Christmas Eve Eve. The way we celabrate is by swaping sisters. It is mostly me and my sister and my cousins that do this. Basically my sister goes to either their house or ours to have a sleep over with one of my cousins and I go to the opposite house to sleep over with my twin cousins. The events of these sleepovers mostly consist of staying up till...Christmas Eve watching movies, playing games, or just talking. I love this tradition. We have managed to uphold this tradition even as me and my twin cousins are in college. Even now I am still there, hanging out till it is time to go to my house for our Christmas Eve family get together. This consists of my family coming, eating till we are sick, opening presents, and well... more hanging out. I hope my room is clean I don't remember if I finished cleaning it. Oh well.